Laughing, what a whinger! but it is a burden as I am not that big and having to wear so much is tiresome. The joy of being free of clothing; to be warm still. Maybe a dream nowadays with my health but I can still remember being warm, hot even. I fib a little as I am 'enjoying' the occasional 'power surge' which is very warming but too sudden and only brief. I think possibly the worst part of winter is the night sweats. Waking up needing to go to the toilet yet needing to change the wet clothing before I freeze is not fun at all. I change clothes at least twice a night and nothing I have tried makes any difference. I wear clothes, I don't wear clothes, I have additional heating, I don't, I have more blankets, I have less blankets ... makes no difference so I do what I need to do to deal with the effects. I don't like the idea of the electric blanket but it is necessary to keep the bed warm once it is soaked. I don't sleep with it on just to warm up or keep warm when I am not in it ie when have to get up in the middle of the night. A water bed is a great solution but I no longer have one and cannot afford one now. Sleep is something I am not very familiar with so I do all I can do to aid the process.
Finally after 10 years Peter is going to bed without me. Yah! I am not a person who can go to bed early. I have tried but is not natural at all, whereas Peter is mostly asleep in his chair by 9.30pm. He also gets up several hours before me. I would like to be up early and stay up late but have never been able to sleep during the day unless very ill. It is good that he has finally done this as it was always a pressure to go to bed with him then I would lie there awake and have a bad night's sleep. Now I can go to be when it is right for me, go to sleep immediately and sleep better. It does mean I don't get up until he has been up for a few hours but this gives us both some alone time.
Relationships are an ever evolving creation. I am happy that ours continues to grow and change with us. Sure he bugs me at times as I am sure I bug him. I find being responsible for the household a huge burden with I would prefer to share; not to be, not in him. We muddle along, have our 'words' with each other but all in all it isn't a bad relationship. He can be very uncaring, not noticing when I am unwell or so engrossed in his stuff he forgets I am unwell.
... continued some days later. I rarely get sufficient time at once to write without interruption. I then loose the inspiration of what I was on about. I really need something that plugs into my brain as I am going to sleep - that is when I do my best thinking, compiling, designing, problem solving, etc.
I have still been doing too much and thus not sleeping. yes sounds wrong but that is what happens with CFS; if you get overtired you don't sleep. The brain is keen but it has to convince the body it is also a good idea. I like doing stuff and do so. Peter also has been doing too much and so has been thrashing around in his sleep.
Despite the fatigue it is good to look at my little veggie garden and see the plants growing. I need to remove trees that shade the house and garden too much. The garden has been more or less let to grow free for around fifteen years. I love resurrecting gardens.
the wind
that blows
cares not
the will it's own
to bring
the change
the rain
the sun
to clear leaves
branches from the trees
leave me cold
grab my chi
way inside
my mind awry
the ire rises
stoke the fire
snuggle in
smile at the wind
I am a horse, a wooden horse; the wind and I do not agree. The slightest breeze can chill me! I have learnt to keep out of it which is hard sometimes when it is sunny like today. There has been so much rain I need to get out when the sun shines but today I do not want to deal with the wind. The weather defies the predictors with constant rain through July going against their prediction of a couple of months of little rain. I wonder if our efforts with replanting, restoring the native vegetation, growing food without chemicals and all the other sustainable things are having an impact on the weather here.
The Community (Nimbin Neighbourhood & Information Centre and the Nimbin Community Centre) have bought a property across the road from their current buildings. The house is in bad shape but having been an original house is built from some amazing timbers which have seen it stay strong, just in need of a rejuvenation. The site is to be used to develop a totally sustainable building which will house various activities such as classes on natural building materials. There will be a shop front and many other projects. The Community is buying it so we are trying to pay off the loan before the interest free period ends which is December 2012. We still need to raise around $70,000. Many residents have arranged direct debits from their pensions to the loan account. There is a link above to the NNIC and from there you can get those details if you are able to help. Sustainable House will be for all not just locals. It is the general desire to alter the perception of this area. We came here to be sustainable, to be free, not to make mega dollars from growing pot or selling to tourists. We would rather showcase our lifestyle; a lot has been achieved since 1973.
Time to end this rambling. I need to keep working on Peter's website but will take it very easy otherwise.
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| a favourite flower that is blooming now |
